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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Friendship Continued

I'm still working on the whole friendship factor these days. I have a really hard time with being able to distinguish what a friend should or shouldn't be and that there are different types of relationships between friends. I grew up with my mom having a lot of really close girlfriends. I grew up having a lot of girlfriends that didn't always treat me the way I treated them. I am told that I'm a very nice person. Certain types of people have seen that in me and taken advantage of me because of it. I often have a lot of girlfriends where I'm their only friend and no matter how much I try to bring them closer to my other friends, it doesn't work. They never quite see in the other people what I see in them and often times don't like each other. Maybe because I always seem to see the good in people instead of focusing on the bad or their flaws. Although, it seems that lately the flaws are taking over the good and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do. I am most definitely pulling away from a lot of the relationships I've held onto over the years. My friends almost always have some type of major issue (as most people do). The thing with them and their issues is that they have no desire to better themselves, yet constantly complain about the issues that have landed them where they are. It's hard to want to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Even though I can see what they need to do and how they need to go about doing it, I can not convince them to do those things.
Okay, so I've come to realize that and don't want to just write them off because we are at different places in our lives, but it makes it hard for me to be close like we once were. So, I guess my lesson here is to learn how to love from a distance. Distance myself emotionally from the hurt that these people have and love them for who they are deep down. Most of my friends grew up in very toxic environments and therefore that's what they are drawn to and immerse themselves in. I don't want to be part of that toxic environment anymore. It's not comfortable for me. I feel out of place. And I don't want my daughter to be exposed to it. I know I can not shelter her from everything, but I do not want to submerse her to these environments for her to grow up and think that this is how she should behave or these are the types of environments that are comfortable for her.

I overheard a couple of women talking on my BART ride home yesterday and I could not stop shaking my head. One of the women was talking about her friends and some guys there were hanging out with her. At one point she said "it was the first time I got shot at". Then she went on to talk about how her ex boyfriend was in jail for shooting a police officer.....like it was nothing. Like something like that is cool and because of that she would be accepted into her group of friends. I used to hang around people like that.

On another note, I think I need to realize that being friends with someone doesn't mean we have to be in constant contact with one another and see each other on a regular basis. If we can go months without talking and can pick up like it's nothing, I think that's okay too. I guess I'm just still trying to figure it all out. I'm hoping that if I put all this out in the universe healthier relationships will find their way to me. Healthier people even. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of issues that I've dealt with over the years. The difference is that I've dealt with them. I saw a therapist from 6 - 18. I learned how to deal with my issues and I've discussed them with the people that were involved. And most importantly, I've forgiven my trespasses and those who have trespassed against me. I know that I am not perfect and no one else is either. It's how how we deal with our imperfections and treat those around us that makes a difference.

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