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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Trial and Error

And just like that it all falls down...

When I decided to share my blog with the world, I didn't take into account how it would effect ALL of the people who are close to me, especially my family.  My thoughts about friendship a few months ago proved to test friendships when I let them how I was feeling at that time.  I knew it would effect my relationships with my friends, but I didn't think it would effect the relationships of the people around me with their friends.  Live and learn.  I clearly came across wrong and I am sorry for hurting anyone along the way.  That was never my intention.  This blog was supposed to be a tool for me to figure out where I want to go in life.  Not where The Man is or wants to go and not where anyone else in my life is or wants to go, just me.  I needed to reflect on the situations I was in, to see how they made me feel about my life.  I don't think I'm better than anyone, nor do I think negatively about anyone and where they are in their lives.  I just know that I want to be better than I am now, or where I've been, for my well being and The Baby's well being.  Apparently I'm having a hard time making that clear without people thinking I'm putting them down or judging them.  I'm not judging anyone, just myself.  I want to be a better person.  I think we all grow at different speeds and at different times.  This has been my time for growth.

I've learned some valuable lessons: Sometimes it's not always beneficial to be honest about every little thing.  It should be, but it's not.  And no matter how much love and positive feelings and words you say after the fact, it can not rectify the initial negative words or feelings that were felt.

I feel like The Baby, learning to walk.  I'm trying things different in life and sometimes it works out and sometimes I fall down.  I seem to have fallen down this time.  Yes, I do wear my heart on my sleeve.  Yes, I do say things that come across completely wrong when I have all of the best intentions in the world.  I am not perfect and am still working on myself.  Life is what we make of it.  We're either going to be happy or miserable.  It's all about our perspective and what energy we do and don't allow into our space.  I am responsible for the energy I bring to other's as well as myself.

I think I need to let this venue go for now.  I might be back, we'll see.  For now I think it's best to take a break.

May you be well, maybe you be happy, may you be free from suffering.


  1. Don't worry so much. Remember that you are creating a record for that beautiful little girl over there. It doesn't have to be for anybody else. She definitely is a cutie!

  2. I hope you choose to come back too. I know I've said things that haven't come across how I wanted them to. It's hard knowing that line. I also hope you keep writing your stories. I think you'll be glad you did. :)

  3. It's hard, for sure. There are things I want to talk about on my blog but can't because I know it would be taken the wrong way.

  4. It is so so so hard to find a balance with your blog! Everyone's balance is different and unique to their situation. I wish you the best!!