Trial and Error

And just like that it all falls down...

When I decided to share my blog with the world, I didn't take into account how it would effect ALL of the people who are close to me, especially my family.  My thoughts about friendship a few months ago proved to test friendships when I let them how I was feeling at that time.  I knew it would effect my relationships with my friends, but I didn't think it would effect the relationships of the people around me with their friends.  Live and learn.  I clearly came across wrong and I am sorry for hurting anyone along the way.  That was never my intention.  This blog was supposed to be a tool for me to figure out where I want to go in life.  Not where The Man is or wants to go and not where anyone else in my life is or wants to go, just me.  I needed to reflect on the situations I was in, to see how they made me feel about my life.  I don't think I'm better than anyone, nor do I think negatively about anyone and where they are in their lives.  I just know that I want to be better than I am now, or where I've been, for my well being and The Baby's well being.  Apparently I'm having a hard time making that clear without people thinking I'm putting them down or judging them.  I'm not judging anyone, just myself.  I want to be a better person.  I think we all grow at different speeds and at different times.  This has been my time for growth.

I've learned some valuable lessons: Sometimes it's not always beneficial to be honest about every little thing.  It should be, but it's not.  And no matter how much love and positive feelings and words you say after the fact, it can not rectify the initial negative words or feelings that were felt.

I feel like The Baby, learning to walk.  I'm trying things different in life and sometimes it works out and sometimes I fall down.  I seem to have fallen down this time.  Yes, I do wear my heart on my sleeve.  Yes, I do say things that come across completely wrong when I have all of the best intentions in the world.  I am not perfect and am still working on myself.  Life is what we make of it.  We're either going to be happy or miserable.  It's all about our perspective and what energy we do and don't allow into our space.  I am responsible for the energy I bring to other's as well as myself.

I think I need to let this venue go for now.  I might be back, we'll see.  For now I think it's best to take a break.

May you be well, maybe you be happy, may you be free from suffering.

Love and Happiness

I love how The Man will randomly call me to see if I'm listening to the same music station he is, to tell me that he really liked the mix they just did.  I love how we both listen to the same iTunes channel at work during the day.  I love that we both have the same passion for music.  I love how music makes us feel when we're having a bad day.  I love that The Baby is starting to have the same reaction to music that we have.  This love of music really makes me happy!

Happy Friday and 3 day weekend!!  Friday's are always awesome because I know that I don't have to wake up the next morning at 5 am (hopefully).  Even better is when it precedes a 3 day weekend. 

I'm going to visit my grandparents tomorrow, then I'll have my massage in the evening.  I'm really looking forward to both!  I can't wait for my grandparents to see that The Baby is walking.  It really is great seeing the happiness on their faces when we get to spend time together.  I'll be going with my dad also, so it will be nice to spend some time with him too.

On Sunday we're going out to dinner with my in-law's to celebrate The Man's 30th birthday.  I'm really looking forward to this too.  The restaurant is in Downtown Sacramento, which I haven't been to in years.  I think it will be fun to walk around and see what The Baby thinks of everything.

Then Monday, we're going to do absolutely nothing.  Well maybe not nothing, but we won't be going anywhere, that's for sure.  We have a day dedicated to relaxing and spending time together as a family.  We don't get to do this very often, so it will be really nice for a change.

All in all I'm very happy today.  I feel good about all of the connections I'm nurturing and feeling comfortable sharing myself with more and more people.  I've sent my blog to a lot of people now.  There are very few people that I haven't invited.  It's nice to feel comfortable enough within myself to not have to hide myself.

I'm all love and happiness today!! :)

13 Months Old

My orignal title for this post was "Happy Friday and 3 Day Weekend!" and then I remembered that it's Thursday, oops!  hahaha. I got a little ahead of myself.  Wishful thinking I guess.

The Baby is 13 months old today.  August always go by way too fast for me, but this time it by especially fast. 

It's amazing how much can happen in one month!  The Baby is walking, almost running, which she hadn't done yet on her birthday.  She is almost all the way done with drinking a bottle.  She could probably be done, but I'm the one that's having a hard time letting go of our bedtime routine where I hold her in my arms in our chair and rock her while she sucks down her bottle.  I just can't seem to let go of that precious moment yet.  I keep telling myself that I have to for her sake and will, when I'm ready.  My goal is to have her totally off of the bottle by the middle of the month...or maybe the end....I don't know, we'll see.

Arya's cousins have started a new school year, so her schedule with her Papa has changed.  She now spend the morning with him, they go pick up her cousins, go back to their house, then Papa brings her back to our house in the afternoon after my sister-in-law get home from work.  I was a little worried about how all this would work out for my FIL, but now that it's started I think it's actually good for him and The Baby.  He walks her to the school in a stroller to pick up the kids at school and has to actually go inside to get them since they are in Kindergarten.  I love that she gets to get out and about, sees people and kids, and gets the experience of a school environment.  And, I love that he's taking a walk every day for himself.  Even if it's a short walk, it's still better than nothing like he did before.  I also love that The Baby gets to spend some alone time with her Papa and still spend time with her cousins.  So all in all, I'm feeling good about what she's doing during the day while I'm at work.

One other thing that The Baby has figured out how to do is open her toy box all by herself!  She is slowly but surely turning into a little girl and although it makes me sad sometimes, for the most part it makes me really happy and proud!  I adore this little soul more than anything in the world and more than I can ever put into words.  It is such a joy to watch her become herself and grow more and more every day.  Happy 13 months to my baby girl!  I can't wait to see what she learns in the month to come.  :)